Well, it's been a while..

I'm in the school library with nothing to do. I have no homework in English, Senior Issues, Math, or ASL. I am totally homework free this break. Except for my CP hours. I haven't actually started yet. I plan on working extra hours this next week at my nanny job, and cooking for the family while the kid naps or something. My CP project is to make my own holiday cookbook, with my own recipes and pictures. So cooking for the family will be good, I can make lunch and maybe dinner each day, and then I can make dinner for my own family when I get home. By the end of winter break, I should have most of, if not all, my recipes edited, made, and photographed. My research paper after that should be a breeze, because everything I'm learning and looking up will be before I actually cook, because I need to research the holidays' special foods and meanings.
Well, I doubt you actually care about all that. I don't right now; that wasn't even what I logged onto this site to type about anyway. I wanted to talk about how everything in my life has been getting better. Slowly, but surely it has been improving and I am starting to actually be happy again.. Unfortunately, there are aspects that have been getting worse. My family and romantic relationships have been sucking lately. I'm on the verge of tears right now in this library and I just need to type it out and get it off my chest. I have nobody I can talk to about it without getting their stupid opinion. Don't people understand that I don't want your opinion? If i did, I would ask for it. You know I would, because I flat out say to you "I need your opinion on this..".
Anyway, I'm trying not to cry and look stupid in here, and the only way I can talk about this is to the computer. Because I can post it. I can post it in private if I really want to. I can just get it out and the computer won't talk back at me. I can save this as a draft and never post it. Ever. I can purposely make it public and then re-post it on a specific person's Facebook wall to really get a point across. And until I am ready to share and open myself, nobody can talk back and tell me I'm wrong.
NW is being a douche lately. He is distant, and not because I work now and have less time to talk; no he actually pushes away from me, literally and metaphorically. He shoves me off to class because he 'needs' to get to his class early. No he doesn't. I know he doesn't. Not every single day. He barely talks to me, he rarely touches me anymore, and I feel no intimacy between us anymore. Honestly, I don't feel any connection between us anymore. I love him, I really do. The way I feel about him is nothing like how I've felt about my other 8 relationships. This is as real as it can get right now. I love that boy, and I believe that he doesn't love me. Not anymore. I honestly think he is just waiting for me to hate him so it will be easy to break up with me. I'm ugly when I cry; he just doesn't want to see that. We manage to fight over something every time we spend more than two minutes together. He has starting doing things again, things that he knows annoy the living shit out of me, thing I told him about before we were dating 6 months, and now he's doing them all again. I think it is on purpose. I really do..
And AJ is doing nothing but bitching about everything and everyone, and about how her girlfriend is cheating on her again, and how she gets bullied, and how she's failing her classes, and blah blah blah. It is all her fault. She can dump her crappy girlfriend. She can tell someone about the bullies. Or she could stand up for herself, she's strong enough. She can stop lying in bed and doing nothing all day and actually do her homework and try in class. She complains about stuff that can be resolved. If she would just try to make something of herself instead of purposely putting herself in all these bad situations, she could have a wonderful life. But no. It sucks because she doesn't care.
KK works night shift now and it seems like every time I see her, she has something rude to say. The night shift is a bad idea. She doesn't sleep much anymore and she is always terribly cranky. She hates when I talk to her, she hates when I try to share my life with her, she just hates [maybe she's acting like she hates] everything about me. JK is the same way, because when KK is cranky, JK gets grumpy, and they fight constantly about things.
Every other aspect of my life is getting better. My grades are improving, my friends are growing closer, and I have a job that I love. But, these aren't the things that matter. Family matters. And that includes NW if he is so sure that we'll get married and grow old together. He says he loves me and he is sure of it. But I'm his first real girlfriend. SC was crap and lasted less than a week. She doesn't come close to counting as a real girlfriend. Today is NW's birthday. He is sixteen today. It is also our two-year-anniversary. So far the whole day has been okay, except when I'm with him. This morning he was subtly rude. He was worse before and after third period. And during lunch he had a mean tone with everything he said to me. We got into a fight and I didn't speak to him on the way to class. He tried to hug me tight and apologize, but I knew he didn't mean it. I didn't hug him back and I walked away quickly before the bastard could see my tears. He'll be able to tell after school though, my makeup is running a little and my eyes are red and my stupid face is getting puffy.
Fuck. I don't know what to do. He won't talk to me with the same affection and passion that he used to. I keep trying and he just gets farther and farther away. I'm so lost..
I need to get off now. There's still twenty minutes of school left, but I need to cry in the bathroom for a bit. I'm dying right here, I cannot hold it in anymore.. I'm supposed to go to dinner tonight with his family for his birthday. Maybe I should just fake sick and say I can't go. I just want to cry myself to sleep right now; I'm so exhausted..

So update

I havent done one of these in a while. Im in the school library because Im avoiding SR. He's a stupid boy that fell for a bitch and now he's angry and heartbroken. Poor him. I frickin told him. Anyway, I do not want to be around him anyway but my mom is also worried that if I act too happy around him, it'll provoke him and he'll come to the house and kill me in my sleep...or something like that. It sucks cuz even though thats a crazy theory, its possible, because SR knows where i live and he is angry enough to do something crazy. I dont know why he is so mad. I never meant to harm him in an way; i told him before anything started I think hes kinda cute but that i wont ever have real feelings for him. Besides friendship that is. He doesnt seem to understand. He says I have multiple times led him on and ruined it for him. But i honestly do not remember anything like that. i dont know what he's talking about. ugh. this sucks. so anyway im kicked from the Lunch Table of Awesomeness until he cools off. Im ot really booted off the island, i just chose to stay away. So i went to sit with some other ppl i know and consider friends, but they arent THAT good of friends most times so I wandered off to the library. which led me to this. MC and C- followed me and are around here for me but they dont understand. Lunch ends in a minute so I gotta go. but yeah. this sucks.

Baklava

MMMM Steph and I partnered up for a cultural project for our Food Management class. We were to choose a country and research it. then present it and bring a sample of a common food in that country. We chose Greece and made Baklava. x]

Hehe the baklava turned out nicely the first time i made it myself:

heh then the second batch for class wasnt quite as good but oh wll xD
then our project itself turned out very nice for sitting there for 5hours the night before working on it. xD yes we ended up waiting that long to do it.
well here it is if ya wanna see it (you have to copy and paste it cuz uh its being douchey):
http://naturekin.com/cj/cultural%20project%20%281%29.pdf

Enis Enis.

Heh I havent updated this is forever!! I really should more often. Maybe once a week Ill remember to post. Ima try that...hehe

uhh Nick is laughing at me cuz of my old Solo Ensemble group name....it was Carousel.....cuz our song was Merry Go Round..

http://noodlescooz.blogspot.com/

kay well if you haveent seen it on KK's blog, there it is. xD
you uh go to that link and acroll down to "labels" and click on th 'concert' one, not 'concerts' heh

oh...wow i really havent updated in a while. Well uh Im dating Nick right now. x] Hes sweet to me and funny. So amazing..<3

heh anyway yeah.. sooo I had an awesome week this week. xD

it was Semester Finals this week and i feel i did very well on all of them. well except food management. -_-

But anyway while that was all going on, i have been talking to my counselor and teachers about swapping classes around so i can join orchestra again next semester. x]]] I talked to Dean, the music teacher, about joining next year but he was all "well based on what youve told me, you have more experience than some of my bass players, so why wait till next year when theres next semester?"

okay only the last section was wat he actually said but the rest was uh paraphrased xDD

anyway so i finally got it all figured out and i get to keep my physics teacher, instead of switching to another one, and i get to play in orchestra again!! =DD

and then yesterday morning, like at 2am, we found out someone in an apartment abstractedly adjacent to ours had a burst water heater. it leaked down into our bathroom. then it flooded our bathroom and hallway. and ugh. well then the complex ppl came in the middle of the night to check it out find th problem and put a giant fan in our hall to dry it out xD

well so teh fan was quiet enough and it was safe and whatnot enough for us to keep our plans for the day: nick and justin coming over. Nick is my doodman, and Justin is AJ's bff. hehe

And they hung out half the day and it was fun lol. Nick and i are pathetic. Mum left for ten minutes to drop Justin off with AJ and Nick and I didnt do anything. I mean, we shoulda kissed er somethin and we didnt. We sat there and giggled about the comments my mom made before she walked out the door. xD

Anyway, yeah that was fun. Then early this morning KK woke me up and asked if i wanted to get my permit xD

I got up and we went to the DMV. We stood outside in a line for 30minutes waiting for it to open, then 30minutes once we got inside. then I took my test, and then had to wait again for another 20minutes. then i got my permit with me lil pic on it and everything ;]

its so hardcore. xD

thn mum took me took the red robins parking lot while nobody was there and i drove around fer 20 minutes xDD

i did pretty well, except for one time where i turned too sharply and went over a curb with the back tire. my mum keeps emphasizing the back tire bit. i dont get the significance. eh whatevah. xD

it was fun and i was so nervous omg...

heh um uh well and yeah. then i came home and yeah thats it. it was a good week. x]]

so um thats what went down most recently. uh not a whole lot before that...just tryin to survive school and life and stuff.

=]

GingerBread Men

heh i was rollin out my gingerbread dough x]]

first time gingerbread men look pretty good ;D

i decorated them a couple of different ways with my limited sprinkle collection. They look really creepy, but they taste pretty good. they would probably taste a lot better if i used all-purpose flour. i used whole wheat flour instead cuz we ran outta the all-purpose. so now it tastes a little funny xD

Stri Fry Lab

It wasnt that good... In Food Management we were learning knife skills, and unfortunately i missed that and our groups veggie choices for the lab, because i was sick with the flu. When lab day came, I ate this >......its kinda blurry, but its eggplant, asparagus, bok choy, onion [not so bad :)], bell peppers, and green beans. They coulda put carrots or peas in there instead but NNOOOOO. They put nasty crap in there! We put extra onion in that to make me happy cuz i kept complaining XD

Yeah we were also one of the three groups who used a wok. It was fun. xD

I had a pretty decent friday too it seemed. x]

Then saturday was awesome. Halloween, baby! I went over to Iggi's house and hung out with him and his parents for a few hours. It was nice x]

Then i came home and yeaah. Now its November hehe. I have a stupid English project that i gotta be working on everyday until its due cuz i plan things out so horribly. xD

What it is, is i need to read at least 200 pages of short stories from a story collection, and for each story, i have to write a page of notes including five different elements of fiction. And write the plot for each story which is a lot harder than it seems!! Im doing Edgar Allan Poe stories, and one Stephen King story. I have 12 stories, and iv done 3. I now have 12 days left to get the rest done xD So i gotta read a story a day x[

Yeah thats whats new with me right now.

hehe happy 'late' halloween guys!

Cream Puffs!!

MMMMMMMmmmmMMmMMMMmMMmmmm

mmmmMmMmMMmmmMmmmmMMM

MmmMmm.

These are so good! My puffs didnt collapse and this was the first time i ever made them! I even made the filling which might as well have been pudding but oh well xD

Now dont they look GEWD! ?